So, you're having a tough time dealing with your mother-in-law? Feeling like she's too nosy in your business? Well, it's no secret that wives and mothers-in-law don't usually get along. However, it is necessary to be on good terms with your mother in law, if you want to have a peaceful life. Generally, you should love, respect and treat her like your mother. Even though it might not be on the same personal level, given that she didn't see you grow up or live with you, unless you are marrying the guy next door, you should still treat her the way you treat your mother, at least for the sake of your hubby. You have to put in mind that she gave birth to the one you truly love, so you gotta be a little bit thankful, you know. And you, mothers-in-law, have to know that your daughters-in-law are doing their best to not only please you, but also please your beloved sons.
Thus, dear daughter-in-law, you don't have to suffer anymore with your husband's mama. This guide will tell you the most common phrases that mothers-in-law say and how to deal with it. We will help you get your plans straight to win your mother-in-law!
1. "You know my sister's daughter was dying to marry him, but he chose you"
As stupid as it sounds, yes some mothers-in-law say that. As a mother, she's too scared if you mistreat her little boy, so instead, she threatens you to give you heads up that if you ever try to mess things up with her baby, she's got an alternative for him.
How to deal with it: Instead of punching her, you can simply say "I must be so lucky then! Am sure my hubby loves her exactly like his sister" or "that is so adorable, I think I can really bond with her since we have the same taste in men" You can always embarrass people with your politeness, you know
2. "I don't think you should do that, this is better. Take it from an old wise woman."
We all know how mothers-in-law can be a little nosy in your business. Usually, since she feels like an old woman, she feels wiser and that she definitely knows more. Maybe she's really genuine and just wants to help you out, look at it from this side even if you don't really need her advice.
How to deal with it: Smile, thank her and just do your own thing. If she still insists on pushing her opinion, just say "thank you, I will discuss it with my husband and see the best solution." If she is still nagging that her opinion is the right one, talk to your husband and tell him that there are some things that are just too private to discuss with her, and let him deal with her.
3. "When are you gonna make me a happy grandma? I want to hold your kids before it's too late for me."
In school, mothers used to say "I want to see you graduate from school and college before it's late for me to be happy", and when you do graduate, they say "aren't you going to please me before I die and see you a lovely bride?" And when you do get married, they ask you the question of kids and how they want you to make them happy. As if their happiness is depending on your life ever since you were born and that they are going to die soon enough in every occasion so you better hurry up! But the point here is that you now have two mothers, and of course you can't be rude to your lovely mother-in-law or act casually like you do with your mother. She starts pushing and pressuring you to have kids soon enough, while you and your husband have already agreed that you will take this step only when you feel ready.
How to deal with it: Tell her how you really want to have kids too especially with her son and that you want to make her happy as much as you can, but you will when both you and your hubby are ready. Or you can say "it's not in the plan now, but hopefully it will happen by time."
4. "Where did you get that dress from? I think it would look awesome on me."
So, we have all seen those mothers-in-law who feel that they are only 20 years old and dress like you, act like you and want the attention of everyone, especially your husband… You basically feel that she's competing with you, which is very irritating. She is doing that because she feels threatened by you since you're taking all the attention from her son, something she's not really used to it.
How to deal with it: Go with the flow and treat her the way she wants to be treated. Always compliment her and even sometimes be like "wow you really look 20 years younger!" Go shopping with her, tell your husband to take her out with you two from time to time and ask him to give her some attention if he doesn't. She will really appreciate it.
5. She calls. Every day. Every hour. Every second. Until you answer.
Sometimes, old people don't really get the fact that cell phones notify you if you have a missed call that you didn't answer. So, when your mother-in-law keeps calling you until you answer, it's because she doesn't know this kind of "technology". Chances are your husband didn't answer her so she's just too worried about him hence she's calling you. Or there is an emergency so she chose to call you; in that case you should be happy she trusts you that much. However, some other mothers-in-law do that because they think that you're tending not to answer and that you're ignoring them. Now, that's a big problem!
How to deal with it: You should talk to your husband about it, tell him that you're trying to have some time with him especially if you haven't seen him all day long and you're trying to spend time with him after work. He will know how to deal with her. But, what if your husband doesn't actually have a problem with his mommy's calls? You might have to just deal it and move on. At this point, you have to understand that he has a different relationship with his parents than you do, so you have to respect that only if his mother is not trying to sabotage your relationship with your spouse. Then, you'll be fine.
6. "You are raising your kids wrong"
So, you're expecting a visit from your hubby's family? Are you ready for all the criticism in the world from his mother? No? Well, I can understand that since she comments on every single thing, especially how bad you are raising your kids, which makes you feel like a terrible mom. If your kids have really bad manners or you're yelling at them constantly, then it's her right to interfere, and keep in mind that she's just trying to help since she is their grandmother. But, if you are doing a great job and your kids are absolutely polite and fine and she's just commenting on their behaviors just to irritate you, then you now have all the right to be upset.
How to deal with it: Simply, listen to her. Make her feel that her opinions and advices matter, and try to talk to her about your parental skills without making her feel that she doesn't know what she's doing or saying. Bear in mind that parenting at her time was different than yours and it has changed now, so she just doesn't know. Thus, try not to blow up in her face and just cool down, especially if it's in front of your kids or husband.
So, your relationship with your mother-in-law is an important one that you should not neglect or put in jeopardy, since it's going to last for a very long time. If you always think that she wants to annoy you, you're not really going to survive neither in this relationship nor with your spouse. As much as you may hate to admit it, sometimes she's just right and can be helpful to you. You both love the same person, so since you have something in common, exploit it in becoming closer to her. You will be the winner in the end.
By: YWG Team